


Tulip

by perrythedeer



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Detailed descriptions, Kinda, Suicide, The Author Projects, personally apologizes to the creator of lightcross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24610801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrythedeer/pseuds/perrythedeer
Summary: I use X to vent asmr bc lightcross has become a comfort ship
Relationships: Lack-Two | Blake & X, Sou & X, Sun/X (Pokemon Adventures)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Tulip

Every day was a quiet new struggle, not in the traditional way, it just... as if slowly there were rocks being put up on X's shoulders and less and less transparent blindfolds were put over his eyes, ripping the joy from the world. The world around him felt black and white, ready to shatter at any second, everything said to him sounded fake or didn't register past the constant ringing in his ears.

Sun had pointed out that he didn't smile as much anymore. X had just given a weak shrug and half grin to compensate. He'd gotten a frown and the courier squeezing his hand. "Talk to me if you need too, Xavi, i'm always here for you, you know that." He didn't. Sometimes Sun wasn't around. He knew _that_ for sure from the dozens of times he'd desperately wanted to text or call the boy but held himself back because he was at work, or was too tired to talk due to said work.

Sou had noticed too- he noticed almost everything, the guy had a sharp eye. Xavier stared longer at the swords in Sou's house, and Sou had eventually removed them and put them where X couldn't see them. A bit of a dick move, but Xavier understood the place it came from. He spent a lot time just sitting next to Sou and watching him or watching things _with_ him. Sou didn't talk often, just gently looping an arm around X when the boy started subconsciously shaking. 

Blake was nearly a lost cause when it came to needing help. Blake wasn't emotionally available in the slightest- and while X didn't mind most the time, the snappy responses and monotone voice tended to scare him out of talking to Blake about his problems. Not like the Officer would care though, considering X didn't seem to mean to much to him. "Don't get yourself killed." was something said last time Xavier had quietly spoken about his depression getting worse. X had flinched, whispered an 'okay'. Stayed silent the rest of the night.

It was getting worse, the days felt longer and longer, and X couldn't sleep anymore, the thoughts in his head either keeping him up to ungodly hours or resulting in him never even leaving his bed in the morning. He could've sworn he was getting thinner, he only ever really ate when Y came in through his window and forced him too. He was a complete mess too, not being able to pull yourself from bed meant not showering, or brushing your teeth, or _any_ daily routines that any normal human would be able to do.

He'd started locking his window again so Yvonne couldn't get in, told his mom to turn his friends away. Sometimes Crystal came to check on him, she was allowed to because she was technically a doctor- more of a pokemon one, but pokemon suffered mental health problems too. She'd talk to him, gently give him ways to fix himself, and X said he would, and he meant too- he really did. But it was like the minute she stepped out of his room, all of that motivation was gone.

Moon tried, and so did Whitley and Schilly. They all had their own ways, Moon tried to get him to come do studies on pokemon with her, Whitley and N would try to bring him to groves, and Schilly tried to drag him out to events around Kalos. He went sometimes, but everything got to be too much too quickly, and he'd made a break for it, summoning a ride pokemon and flying home only to curl back up in bed and wet his pillow with the tears he was sure it had grown oh so familiar with.

He'd given up on wearing his jacket and sweatpants. He was sure his mom had seen already, and he knew his friends had, Sun had pointed them out worriedly while he was at a sleepover. Nobody seemed to care when there were new ones. Why would they? He was covered in scars anyway, self-inflicted or stupid stuff from when he used to train as a kid. It didn't mess with him to think nobody cared, he was used to that thought anyway. What was a few more scars every night?

It was getting harder to keep going, and he knew some big no-impulse-control incident was approaching quickly. He didn't do much about it until the day of, when he realized the plan had been subconsciously set in place and he wouldn't be able to do much to change it. He reached out, met up with the Junior boys. 

He watched them interact mostly, the excited way Sun pat the table and Sou tiredly leaning on his arm and Blake sitting up straight and just grinning as he spoke. Xavier joined in occasionally, just to make sure none of them suspected anything. The meet up had ended because Blake had to be called away to do something and Sou's social battery was crashing and burning. Xavier could tell Sun's was too. Sun had hugged Xavier outside of his house, "I'm glad you're feeling a little better! It's really nice to see you out of the house and smiling again. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" 

It almost hurt to lie to those vibrant golden eyes, and Xavier bit the inside of his bottom lip hard enough that he could taste blood. He nodded and gently pressed a kiss to Sun's neck, feeling a matching act on his forehead before Sun ran off, waving back to him happily. Xavier felt a tug at his heartstrings, a quiet _doubt_. A part of his brain tempted to call out for Sun and explain and make the boy stay with him for just a little longer. But it was too late for that now.

He went up to his bedroom, opening his blinds and staring at the sunset for a moment, it was... strange, the quiet relief in his soul mixing with the constant numb state he had been living in for the last few years. He didn't care to write a suicide note, or anything really. He'd put his phone on the desk so he wouldn't be tempted to call anyone for help if he started panicking.

Xavier went to grab the rope from his hallway closet, and slid back into his room, setting the chair up under the hook- he never got why there were hooks on the ceilings of some rooms, it was like a quiet calling card to those with problems they couldn't handle. He tied the rope as quickly as possible, and put it up, taking a quiet deep breath and stepping off the chair. He had to make sure there was no backing down on this. Even if someone showed up they wouldn't figure it out.

He grabbed his depression medication, and not wasting a second to think, he poured as many as he could onto his tongue, and used water to quickly wash it down. It hurt his throat, made him shudder vaguely. He'd never liked the sensation of medicine when swallowed. Grab his razor- technically a pencil sharpener blade, but those fuckers were sharp when you knew how to use them and how to sharpen any metal- thanks Sou- he dug it into his wrist right where he could see the vein

And he pulled down as quickly and hard as he could, a cry of pain slipping from him automatically as his hand started shaking and he dropped the tool. He slammed his hand over his mouth to muffle his cries as he watched the blood blossom up from the wound and quickly slide over the sides of his arm, he could already feel it numbing, he'd definitely messed up something- which, which was good. That was the whole point. He backed up a few steps, and forced himself to turn towards the chair in the middle of the room. It was too late already, this was just the last precaution so nobody could fix it.

Xavier stepped onto the chair, and heard the door burst open. "Xavi! I came back to get something and heard you cry out and-" the voice cut off as Xavier flinched. He couldn't hesitate, slip the rope over his head, kick the chair back- it wouldn't go back. There was blood dripping onto the chair, onto the floor, staining his foot. Someone was holding the chair.

"Xavi?" Suns voice was broken, trembling and on the verge of tears. Xavier glanced back at him, his eyes were dull and empty, tired as they ever were, only staring would reveal the quiet panic stirring in the back of his mind. Sun shook his head rapidly and climbed up onto the chair with him, forcing the rope off and inevitably sending them both- and the chair- falling backwards due to the weight.

Xavier surprisingly landed on Sun, the boy had turned in the air so Xavier wouldn't get hurt more, and suddenly he was shoved off, Sun moving to sit above him, staring at the blood staining his own shirt before staring at Xaviers arm. "Wh- What the fuck- Xavier holy fucking-" Sun was moving, going into action, trying to stand to go find medical supplies.

Xavier didn't have the energy to stop him. It didn't matter anyway. Sun ran off, coming back a few moments later and quickly moving to cradle Xaviers head on his lap, lifting his arm and immediately going to start to stitch it back together. Xavier could barely feel it, or anything really. Consciousness was slipping. "Sunshine?" his voice was soft, and Sun glanced at him.

X hated seeing Sun crying, his wide golden eyes watery and confused, cheeks and nose red, everything _bad_. "I love you." he forced a weak smile, and Sun blinked, a soft whimper slipping from him, and he reached to squeeze one of Xaviers hands real quick. "I love you too, tulip."

The smile grew vaguely, before falling as Xaviers eyes shut. He felt his life slipping, and he couldn't care less. Even hearing Suns cries and immediate pleas for him to wake up getting farther and farther away didn't change that.


End file.
